Tonic. £220 pounds to anyone who can find Paul.

Okay so I, well, we discover this place, Tonic...which is off the chain, the wall, and the hinges...and we go there, and lime out,in a cool way to sip cocktails...as though we are fully fledged adults...(ummm???)
And along comes Paul...Paul looks like an overzealous gym instructor. Except that none of it is muscle, its all boobs, fat and ego! anyhow, along he comes in that egocentric-gym-instructor-chest-outty-kinda way...and he orders a drink, he's not sure what he wants to drink, so he settles for "what the ladies drink." (oh please the charm is overwhelming me.)
Much to mine and Laura's (my foster mother)dread and despair, he utters the first word to a disasterous conversation. "ella"...(Hello, in a Liverpuddlian accent.)
Coyly, and rather ingenuinely we both force out smiles...the type that really say...eff off or my big black brother is gonna thump you. And so he takes it as his cue...to talk...nonsense and utter rubbish for about an hour...
"I'm a gambler...I'm into electronics" (mate, where's the correlation?)
"oh, what kind."
"well i fix fruit machines, but I'm moving on to ferraris"
(oh, wow, impress us more, PLEASE)
"so are you gonna come with me?....fly to the top, you can either fly or kiss it goodbye" (he turns around sticking bottom out)
(did i mention he looks like phil mitchell from eastenders...ooh ooh ohh, yes I'll fly with you...ummm, not quite...oh this is all a true story by the way.)
"ho ho ho...funny you are!"
"ooooh hold on(he pretends his phone has rung)...its for you...its fifty cent"
"I'm sorry Im not familiar with him"
Laura laughs under her breath...well you must b because you're black (we share a special moment of amusement)
"I'm sorry," I say to Paul "I don't know him, and no, I'm not black, I'm Afrasian"
....and yes...he did it...something or other "black bitch."
In my mind I played out the headbutts and flying kicks, bodyslams that i was about to deliver to him courtesy of Brian...and then i thought again.
Why give him what he obviously wants (aside of a shag with me)...why give him that pleasure. Or that time...the nine boys with whom I came would obviously bury him and his boobs. So why bother?
U can't possibly understand the pain I feel now whn I repeat those words in my head..."black bitch" why did i have to be so rational? what i would pay now too see his nose as the bullseye of a dart board!

Just as You are

Perfection is nobody’s to own,
She sits alone, in the horizon
At sundown perfectly juggling the light
We, mortal and flawed have sat countless times at nightfall
In awe, in adulation
At her exact talent.
But then you, in all your decorous imperfection,
The very way
Shape
Taste
Colour
And form that makes you…
I love you

…Just as you are



Have you ever met somebody, who you feel could fill those gaps you sometimes feel inside of you, just by being there? I met a man, a music making man, hella cute, like I like 'em too. He was dark and unconventinally, but so perfectly handsome. And when he spoke, I could feel the reverberations in my throat. He carried himself with such dignity and unspoken authority, like a man who knew himself. I loved him, from that very day, I loved him fiercely. He didnt fill the gaps, infact he made them wider, he spurred me to find what was missing from myself, so I could be a complete person. And now I understand what I loved in him so fiercely, the fact that he was whole. He was what I wanted to be. He showed me my roadmap to finding my own peace. That was my first step in my quest for the gen.

He's just no that into you

Aside of being insanely hilarious, this book is so blatantly honest, I mean I was in bed screamin "Amen..." Whether you're dating, divorced, single—or have friends who are—these six little words could save years of heartache and doubt!
Oh sure, they say they're busy. They say that they didn't have even a moment in their insanely busy day to pick up the phone. It was just that crazy. All lies. With the advent of cell phones and speed dialing, it is almost impossible not to call you. Sometimes I call people from my pants pocket when I don't even mean to. If I were into you, you would be the bright spot in my horribly busy day. Which would be a day that I would never be too busy to call you.

So what did I learn? Unfortunately, guys are too terrified to ever directly tell a woman, "You're not the one." But their actions absolutely show how they feel.

I feel like a liberated genious!!!!

God...Do we NEED proof?

If you found a clock and examined the mechanism within it, you would probably think that this intricate mechanism was not the outcome of mere chance, that it had been designed. Now look at the universe; is it possible that such an intricate mechanism, from the orbits of planets round the sun to the cells in your fingernails could all have happened by chance? Surely, this enormously complex mechanism has been designed, and the being that designed it must be God.

oh BOTHERRRRRRRRRRR!

Ever get the feeling something is drastically gonna go awry? feel it uncanningly in my bones right now. EEk, fingers crossed I guess.

A Poem on the Bain of African Development

African Problem African Solution
(On NEPAD)

Problem: A state of difficulty that needs to be resolved
Solution: The successful action of solving a problem
Or a homogeneous mixture of two or more substances


Oh shrewd leaders
Our sanctified snake feeders
We are proud of you
We admire your chivalry
Remove us from our misery,
Give us Uncle Sam
Because, ofcourse, he gives a damn!

Rebuild our Zion!
They would never hold us ransom like
Richard coeur de Lion
Drunk on our own control
We rock and roll
Let us sway to the hypnotic tune
Dance along to their Babylon song
Inebriated as we swoon

Let us feast from the tree of knowledge
When given the cue
We will have all the answers
And in a day or two
We shall embark on our great eight mission
Let us pledge to this based on a ‘common vision’
To embark on our Empire
Lead us like sheep following the Shepard to slaughter
We truly are inspired!

Nosh us with ‘solutions’
Distend us with ideas
If we don’t agree, carry us away in black Maria’s
Man cannot live by bread alone
But by every dictate of the great eight...
Once fed
By lies and bread
There is no turning back
But no, leaders
You really are the true jungle VIP
Follow, follow the leading wolves in the pack.

Me...I guess

Some one asked me today to describe myself, and thats always a hard thing to do for me, but I rembered that not long ago genious came over me as it does so often....people are sometimes defined by what they like and don't like....so i took the liberty to put down all those things I like(about a year ago...although all still ring true), its not really worth my time documenting what i dislike, it would just be Snakes for about fifty lines down the page!!!!!


So This Is It.(all the things i love)

Morning dew
Toni Morrison
Maya Angelou
Pink ballet shoes and a pink tutu
To match

Jam doughnuts
The smell of the rain
Most things red
Above all the sunshine after the rain

Hot fudge death by chocolate sundae
Mocha flavoured ice tea
Making sweet love all day Sunday

James Baldwin
If Beale Street Could Talk
Granddad’s story telling
James Brown when he walk the walk

Baby oil on my back
Aubergine silk covering my crack
Posters discouraging the use of crack

Rollerblading under the summer sky
Pumpkin pie
Espionage movies
Slightly squinted eyes
Lightly kissed thighs

Coconut milk
Cinnamon chewing gum
Baked beans and bacon
A pinch on the bum

India Arie and Miles Davis
Baggy jeans falling on a small waist
Chubby chubby babies
Cream Soda after taste

Curled up lips
Nina Simone
Wide ass hips
Dark skin tone
Cartilage off the bone
Driving alone

Matisse
Shower sex
Quiche
DJ at the decks

Loud Laughs
Friendly priests
Kisses on brows
Beauties and beasts.

Brand new hockey kit.
So this is it.

Loving

Loving someone you shouldn’t love

can make you do things u normally wouldn’t be capable of.

Loving someone who’s not right for you

will make you not wanna believe the truth.

Loving someone who pretends to feel the same

can bring you so much heartache and pain.

Loving someone who doesn’t really care

will have you making excuses for why they`re never there.

Loving someone who doesn’t love you back

can make your whole life fall off track.

Loving someone who treats u like s**t

will make you not wanna realize it.

Loving someone who treats u bad

can make u feel so stupid and sad.

Loving someone who loves another

will make u hate that motherf***er.